Where Cath over-analyses something.... hmmm surprise?

Sadly I do wait on any phone call or text message I get from Bond. I used to keep old messages to re-read later for my own amusement, and perhaps to read particularly lovely, or salacious, ones for other reasons. Not long ago, when reading over some of these messages, I began to notice something. Bond is not one for affectionate words, or really any great show of emotion. This has often been difficult for me, since I am quite emotionally needy. I like/need/desire daily affirmation of affection. Since I don’t get it from Bond, I would read over his old messages for that daily boost. I thought it cute that often he would end his messages with “Hugs and kisses – OXOXO”. Being me, I read a lot more affection into it than he probably meant to convey. But, regardless, they were comforting. For a while. Until I realized something.

HE WAS USING A FUCKING TEMPLATE!

When I asked him about it, he commented, “Of course! You think I would type it all in every time?”. Err, yes I did. Clearly I am naïve about this sort of thing. So does it mean less if it is affectionately "templated"?

No. Sausage. Sizzle.

Infer what you will people. Interestingly a member of the HtV people made a comment about the distinct LACK of a sausage sizzle. Bless her.

Election '06
I rarely get political, and I am still not going to, per se, but read on regardless. Tomorrow is election day for Victoria, and for me seems to be a slim choice between two candidates of little promise.

Let me give you a quick overview of the main players.



The incumbent:

A man whose hair looks strikingly fake, but sadly, is real. I also find his tone of voice somewhat less than comforting, and resembling some sort of Muppet.








His competition:

Although this photo is standard cabinet issue, other photos during his campaign have featured him in a pair of clinging, wet speedos. A look that many, thankfully, have passed over.





So, leaving my personal political leanings out of the debate for the moment, I have decided upon a partial strategy in handling my voting trials tomorrow. The first criteria for voting on the day will be decided by the presence, at my nearest voting poll, of a well-stocked sausage sizzle. If no sizzle is present, with sausages a-plenty, I fear I may be a donkey vote this year. If there is a delicious array of faux-meat, a la sausage, present, I am then left to other methods of deciding on my voting intention.

Firstly, there is the option of "Whoever has the hottest person handing out "How to Vote" cards. This is always a good standby criteria. Rob has been known to use this method for purchasing white goods and gyms. The next option is to decide simply who is nicest to me when handing out the "How to Vote" cards. A little lame, I grant you, but has possibilities. The final option is to vote for the people who leave me alone and don't inundate me with crappy bits of paper!

A notable allowance to the sausage sizzle rule, is the presence of Nana's selling home made cakes. So basically, I am willing to be bribed for my vote this year. For all of you who take elections and politics seriously, I ask you to consider the merits of the sausage method for those of us tired of the political process in Australia.

Orange Crush

Kiki made an interesting comment on my last post, in reference to me and Bond and my list of 100 things. And indeed his comment, is something that I have been thinking about a lot of late. For reference, No. 28 of list of 100 things is "I worry that I will never fall in love again.". And yet, here I am in 20 days about to jet off to foreign parts to see Bond.

So let me clarify.

I do worry about my state of emotions. I have often thought myself "in love" in the past few years, with many a gentleman. But really, it was not love. They were infatuations. They were amorous engagements. They were passing flings. They were crushes. I know that what I feel for Bond is certainly more than any fleeting amour. But I am holding back. If someone were to ask me, "Are you in love with Bond?". I would probably hesitate in responding. I would hesitate not because I am unsure of what I am feeling - of that I am quite sure. I hesitate, because I don't know how he feels. I am scared of making a declaration both to myself, and to him, of love, for fear that it will not be reciprocated. Until I can be assured of the state of his emotions, I think I can really only say I have a crush.

Giving love to someone, without the return of same, is not love. Being in love with someone, takes two people with both the giving and receiving of love. And frankly, the giving completely of my heart to someone, is pretty damn scary.

So until I know more of his heart, I will affirm that I am scared of not being in love, but being very much "in like" with Bond.

No idea!

So it is now three, count them people, three weeks until I leave to see Bond. And I am shitting myself in many and varied ways. I have some work (private, not my real job) that is causing me major headaches and issues. My normal work is boring and I really can't be bothered to be there. The Tap Show is done for the year, which is my marker point for the end of the year.

Mostly I just feel tired. Tired of worrying about my trip - still lots of unfinalized details. Tired of working and not feeling satisfied. Tired of stressing about Bond and his level of ambivalence or emotion. Tired of feeling tired.

The first question that people ask me in relation to my trip is, "Are you excited about seeing him?". No shit, of course, I am excited, and a myriad of other emotions as well. But the very next question that seems to roll of the tongue is, "So what are you going to do if it doesn't work out?". Seriously. Not helping people. Realistically, what am I going to do if that should happen? Come home, cry a lot, not be happy for a little while, and then move on. But what do I really want to do? Sadly, revisit No 26.

Well, oiled, that's what you are
Come on, and ride, in my muscle car

I have written before that I love driving. Indeed, I adore being in my car. My car, is nothing particularly special to anyone but me. It is about the right size for me, with enough get up and go to give me a thrill, and quality braking to suffer through my (rare!) occasions of poor driving. While I have never wanted a Lamborghini or even a Porsche, I have often coveted the power that such cars represent on the road.

Lately, I have noticed that my taste in cars has taken a certain turn. It appears that I have finally started channeling my inner bogan from my somewhat repressed youth. I seem to be finding muscle cars and similar, a turn-on. It scares me somewhat to find myself leering appreciatively at a Torana (restored to its glory) pull up beside me on the road. I can hardly contain myself in the presence of a XY Falcon GT. A Ford Mustang Coupe (65 vintage) is the auto equivalent of a wet dream. An even the association with a Nicholas Cage movie cannot turn me off a Ford Shelby.

Surely this degeneration into such cars is not a slight on my otherwise "classy" persona? But if I should ever decide that a mullet is the haircut du jour - all are given permission to shoot me on sight!

I got a letter in the mail yesterday which I am inclined to frame. It stated categorically that I was "normal". I AM NORMAL!!! Yippee for me. Ok, so maybe it was a medical test result, but still.... NORMAL.

These Things

Call me unoriginal if you will, but I do love those "100 Things" Lists. Inspired by Rob, I have finally done my own list. Some you might know. Some you probably won't care. Knock yourself out people!

1. I wear black every day.
2. After I was divorced, I was resigned to never marry ever again. Times change: I want to get married again.
3. I worry every day that people are going to realize I am nowhere near as smart as they think I am.
4. I wear makeup and heels every day (by choice), but love being in my pj’s at home, more than anything.
5. I loathe the smell and taste of honey, pawpaw, rockmelon and apple pie.
6. I think I have pretty feet.
7. I still don’t know what I want to do when I “grow up”.
8. I used to fantasize about being diabetic when I was younger.
9. And when I became diabetic, I thought it was because I made it happen by the power of thought.
10. I will never look at myself naked in the mirror.
11. I love Christmas Carols.
12. I can’t look at bare pregnant bellies. It makes me nauseated.
13. I love going to the operating theatre and seeing the blood and guts.
14. I sing in the car – very loudly.
15. I hate Karaoke and will rarely, if ever, sing in front of friends if asked.
16. I felt I was very old when I lost my virginity.
17. I have been trying to make up for lost time ever since.
18. I get very frustrated with myself when I lose things.
19. I rarely lose things.
20. I am worried I have dementia because I forget so much.
21. I have trouble with left and right – except when getting directions in Italian.
22. I only know about ten words of Italian.
23. When watching foreign films, I imagine I can actually understand the words – even though I am reading the whole time.
24. I miss my maternal Grandmother – she died when I was 16.
25. I never cried when she died. And still haven’t.
26. I briefly contemplated suicide.
27. But never did it because I knew it would destroy my parents.
28. I worry that I will never fall in love again.
29. I am right-handed, except when I eat.
30. I pluck out all my grey hairs.
31. I fear I will have a bald spot before I consent to dying my hair.
32. I love buying books.
33. I sometimes don’t read all the books I have bought.
34. I flirt a lot.
35. And it doesn’t matter with whom. Male, Female, Gay, Straight.
36. I hate ballet and modern dance. It bores me silly.
37. I love opera and classical music.
38. I cried at my first opera.
39. I cried when Darth Vadar died in “The Return of the Jedi”.
40. I am an excellent speller.
41. I can’t sit in a spa/pool and drink.
42. Even thinking about wanting to pee, makes me want to pee.
43. I am not sure if I want kids.
44. I am not sure if I don’t want kids.
45. I hate slap-stick humour.
46. Very few comedians make me guffaw with laughter.
47. I love to laugh with friends.
48. I hate big crowds.
49. I won’t go to concerts because of the crowds.
50. I hate being tickled – more than anything. It hurts.
51. I sometimes get claustrophobic, and often it is after sex when a guy might “cuddle”.
52. A good smelling man turns me on.
53. I was single all through university.
54. At any point in time, I always seem to have a crush on someone.
55. I always wanted to have a partner that was first my friend.
56. I have always been paranoid about people leaving me. Even as a child.
57. I don’t recall having any childhood experience that makes me feel this way.
58. I love Buffy. I have watched all 7 seasons COUNTLESS times.
59. My first television crush was on “Gilbert” in “Anne of Green Gables”.
60. Every man I have seriously dated has told me he loved me after two weeks.
61. I thought this was normal until my current beau.
62. I hate it when people don’t shake my hand confidently.
63. I love hugging and kissing my friends.
64. I feel awkward hugging and kissing my parents and family.
65. I wanted to be an astronaut.
66. I used to be scared of flying.
67. I try not to be self-absorbed, but essentially, I am.
68. I can only sleep on my side.
69. I cannot play Monopoly. I get violent. Really violent.
70. I have never been able to do a hand-stand. Or the splits.
71. I have never had measles, mumps, chicken-pox etc etc etc.
72. I have hand-bag issues. I love them.
73. I am emotionally high-maintenance in relationships.
74. I generally travel by myself. And I like it.
75. If I dyed my hair, I always wanted it to be platinum blonde.
76. I can’t wear flat shoes – they hurt my calves.
77. I can ride a bike with no hands.
78. When I was married, I used to joke that when he left me I would be keeping the bed and my knives.
79. I got to keep them both when he left me.
80. I used to feel secretly guilty about being happy when my husband went away for work.
81. I find multiple choice exams extremely difficult.
82. I hate Lindt chocolate balls. Regular Cadbury is fine with me.
83. I love sausage rolls and cheap sausages.
84. I have been turned on by visiting an abattoir.
85. I can be shy.
86. I think I am extremely normal most of the time.
87. I never liked sex that much when I was married.
88. Now I like it A LOT.
89. I also didn’t realize what a good lover my husband was until we split up.
90. I find very few things kinky.
91. I like my towels and sheets folded a certain way.
92. I love my sheets to be ironed.
93. I am not obsessive about anything else.
94. My eyes are brown/green and I will shag anyone who acknowledges that calls them green-ish rather than brown.
95. I disliked my mother for a very long time. Now I enjoy having her around a lot.
96. Politics bores me.
97. I love the way my first name is spelt.
98. Even though NOONE ever gets it right.
99. I love the number 7. I am not sure why.
100. I love looking in other people’s trolleys when I go grocery shopping. I can imagine their life from their food purchases.