Public Service Announcement!
In the interests of protecting other women, I am performing this public service announcement so that other women do not also suffer.
On Saturday night I had a date with a man. Yes, I know, that in itself should be cause for much joy and delight. But control yourselves. He is a "nice" man (death knell...) who seems genuine and sweet. He also was quite a gentleman and seems to like me. Sunday morning, as is the habit of men who are interested, he rang to see how I was, and also try and procure another date with me that day. But before he got to those details, being a nice person, I asked how he was. He replied, "I don't quite know how to put this." I waited, "Oh?". He continued, "I got home last night to find I had been burgled." Somehow when bad things happen to people when they are out with me, it feels like my fault. I reacted as one would expect, "Oh dear - are you ok?". And here is where things go bad. He replied, "Yes, it seems someone has come and stolen my heart."
Yes, he really said that.
And I used all my strength not to guffaw down the phone and tell him to stop being such a nob. Go me!
So this is to warn all women - there are men out there willing to use cheesy lines to secure your affections. In the words of one person to whom I related this story, "You can't speak to him ever again." People like this man cannot be allowed to spread this type of unimaginative dross around.
You have been warned!
Monday, April 28, 2008
Monday, April 21, 2008
Miles and misunderstanding
A few weeks ago I participated in what is commonly called "a fun run". What is surprising to myself is that I not only ran - a feat in itself - but I suspect that I had fun doing it! I am by no means a natural runner, being neither lean of limb, or lithe of build. But I have been on a course of self-improvement which includes eating healthy and moving my arse regularly.
So I got up early, ran along the Yarra and around the Tan, cavorted amongst other fellow runners, feeling slightly holier than thou, and then went home. So what does one do following an early morning run out in fresh air? Retreat for a morning coffee and yummy brunch is what!
After my repast, I felt in the mood to rent a couple of DVD's and retreat to the couch with Isabella and put ice on my injuries. (Oh, yes I am seeing a Physio now regularly - getting fit is never easy is it?) I wandered to my nearby DVD rental store. Often when I go in looking in for a movie, I want something to jump out at me. But strangely this time I knew what I was exactly in the mood for. I looked on every shelf I could think of, and still could not find the movie. Resigned to having to ask for assistance, I approached the video store clerk. I was "nearly" sure of the full movie title, so I asked, "Look, I am looking for some movie called 28 Days or something - but I can't find it!". He, knowing his product well, offered, "Oh, the Sandra Bullock movie?". Immediately I realised my mistake. I may have screeched, "OH GOD NO!". Then, with realisation dawning on his face, he proceeded to, "Then, maybe it is a zombie movie?". "Yes!!! That is it!". "Ahh! That is 28 Days Later."
Whoops! So close.
He then directed me to the horror section, at which point I may have made comment about not even thinking to look there. He said, "Well, it is a zombie movie, it certainly isn't a comedy." "But, Shawn of the Dead was funny."
Oh yes, my witty repartee was in full flight. God forbid that I may have been flirting with the clerk. But my biggest fear was that he had thought I looked the sort of person who wanted to watch a Sandra Bullock movie!
A few weeks ago I participated in what is commonly called "a fun run". What is surprising to myself is that I not only ran - a feat in itself - but I suspect that I had fun doing it! I am by no means a natural runner, being neither lean of limb, or lithe of build. But I have been on a course of self-improvement which includes eating healthy and moving my arse regularly.
So I got up early, ran along the Yarra and around the Tan, cavorted amongst other fellow runners, feeling slightly holier than thou, and then went home. So what does one do following an early morning run out in fresh air? Retreat for a morning coffee and yummy brunch is what!
After my repast, I felt in the mood to rent a couple of DVD's and retreat to the couch with Isabella and put ice on my injuries. (Oh, yes I am seeing a Physio now regularly - getting fit is never easy is it?) I wandered to my nearby DVD rental store. Often when I go in looking in for a movie, I want something to jump out at me. But strangely this time I knew what I was exactly in the mood for. I looked on every shelf I could think of, and still could not find the movie. Resigned to having to ask for assistance, I approached the video store clerk. I was "nearly" sure of the full movie title, so I asked, "Look, I am looking for some movie called 28 Days or something - but I can't find it!". He, knowing his product well, offered, "Oh, the Sandra Bullock movie?". Immediately I realised my mistake. I may have screeched, "OH GOD NO!". Then, with realisation dawning on his face, he proceeded to, "Then, maybe it is a zombie movie?". "Yes!!! That is it!". "Ahh! That is 28 Days Later."
Whoops! So close.
He then directed me to the horror section, at which point I may have made comment about not even thinking to look there. He said, "Well, it is a zombie movie, it certainly isn't a comedy." "But, Shawn of the Dead was funny."
Oh yes, my witty repartee was in full flight. God forbid that I may have been flirting with the clerk. But my biggest fear was that he had thought I looked the sort of person who wanted to watch a Sandra Bullock movie!
Tuesday, April 01, 2008
Feedback....
I mentioned a while ago that I joined a dating agency in an attempt to meet eligible men. That proved oh-so-successful that I even joined a second one a month or so ago. The first agency was expensive and fancy looking, but despite all their promises, delivered me a whole pile of nothing. On joining the sales pitch included a "virtual guarantee" of meeting someone within six months, or they would give you another two months free.
Well, those six months came and went. And so did the two additional months. And yet, still I am single, having met a number of very dubious men. So the other day, the agency sent out their client feedback form. I have proven in the past that I am not particularly adept at insulting people in written form. But this time, I tried really hard. I provided feedback in all the categories that they asked for, and closed with the following statement,
Of course, I haven't heard a thing from them since I sent the form back. I wonder if I would have got more of a response if I had not written so eloquently, and just wrote, "Fuck off you fucking fuckers!".
I mentioned a while ago that I joined a dating agency in an attempt to meet eligible men. That proved oh-so-successful that I even joined a second one a month or so ago. The first agency was expensive and fancy looking, but despite all their promises, delivered me a whole pile of nothing. On joining the sales pitch included a "virtual guarantee" of meeting someone within six months, or they would give you another two months free.
Well, those six months came and went. And so did the two additional months. And yet, still I am single, having met a number of very dubious men. So the other day, the agency sent out their client feedback form. I have proven in the past that I am not particularly adept at insulting people in written form. But this time, I tried really hard. I provided feedback in all the categories that they asked for, and closed with the following statement,
I wish that I had not joined - spending money on a misguided process that has left me feeling quite dejected.
Of course, I haven't heard a thing from them since I sent the form back. I wonder if I would have got more of a response if I had not written so eloquently, and just wrote, "Fuck off you fucking fuckers!".
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