A Return Appearance by a Long Overdue Special Guest

Well it seems that Subtle is nearly all moved in. The crap in my house, which was always quite significant, has increased substantially to now include even more books and DVDs (I didn't think that possible!), quite a lot more in the way of computers, some furniture and various other boy-related things I haven't had around my home in a long while. But it seems that with the now established relationship and partner*, another person has moved back into my life.

Many years ago when I was married, I acquired a nickname from some friends. It appeared I was, for all intents and purposes, "the world's second best wife". Second best you say? Well the role of world's best wife was taken already by another friend. She also cooked amazing gourmet meals every night, sewed and crafted, kept a wonderful home, worked full time and entertained dinner parties for hordes. Her and I were level pegging there. But she also raised two kids, and repeatedly accepted her philandering husband back into her life. So, I really couldn't compare and hence was relegated to the role of second best wife. There might be some that wouldn't say second best wife, more likely, second most stupid. But I was very happy.

So the other evening, I was hands deep in preparing some appetisers and desserts for Subtle's birthday get-together when the friend that appointed me with my nickname rang for a chat. I explained what I was cooking and doing, and he declared, "Has the world's second best wife come back again?". I laughed. Apparently, when I wasn't looking, she moved back in. And strangely, I really don't mind. I actually feel happiest when planning cooking, preparing and entertaining - especially when I get to do it for someone I care about.

And Subtle's reaction to this title? "I don't know about the wife-bit, but you are definitely the world's best girlfriend."

Awwww.



*I really hate saying that word - it sort of feels contrived or weird. Subtle is a great fan of being simple - it is girlfriend or boyfriend. End of story until another title comes along (aka wife, husband). I am inclined to agree.

Linguistic Lessons

I am constantly learning things at the moment. It was said to me once that being in a relationship is just as hard as being single - no matter how good it is. At the time I was bitterly complaining about my single status and some issues and problems I perceived. Now that I am no longer single, and embarking on co-habitation (the first time in over 5 years), there are a whole new range of issues and problems.

Thankfully for me and Subtle, two and a half years of therapy have finally started to come to fruition. Which is probably the reason that I am able to enjoy such a wonderfully positive and healthy relationship as I am now. But issues and problems there are. Mostly small, some large. But thankfully, Subtle and I are keen to talk about anything and everything to ensure we both understand each other and where we want our future to go.

But.....

I keep forgetting that he is there. Not literally when he is there in front of me and I stumble over him. Then, I know too well he is around! No, I mean that I sometimes forget to put his name in conversation. I shall explain. When the ex-husband and I first broke up, one of the hardest things to assimilate to was no longer saying "us" and "we" eg "When we were on holiday....". After eight years with a person, and from meeting at a young age, most of my significant life experiences up until that point had been shared with someone else - so the use of "us" and "we" was so much a part of my language that I took it for granted. But then things all changed, and I had to remember to delete the "we" and go back to "me". It was incredibly hard and felt so pointedly obvious everytime I did it. Eventually I got used to it and it then became second nature for me.

Now, nine years on from that marriage dissolution, and I am ever so happily ensconced in one of the best relationships of my life, I have to learn to say "we" again. I also have to remember to tell Subtle things. You know, little things like major financial decisions.... nothing much at all. You get so used to looking after yourself for a long time, and fending for yourself and protecting yourself (physically, emotionally and financially), that it is a strange thing to again remember to let someone else in.

Sure I can get used to the strewn dirty clothes and big sweaty man in bed - but informing him of things that I have been thinking that may in fact affect him??? That takes a little longer.