Wednesday, January 14, 2004

How does one arrive at a point in their life and not be quite sure how it happened? This was not supposed to be the way life was meant to be was it? One is tempted to often ask.... is this it? I was not meant to be single and in my thirties. I was meant to be happily married with a wonderful brood, whilst being successful at something (which I was meant to want to do since conception!). How did it all go so terribly ordinary? Am I the only person that aches for feeling so god-damn unimportant. Am I the only person that wonders what is the soundtrack to my life meant to be..... every movie has a theme song and music - where is mine? When is the swell of the orchestra going to kick in?

Maybe there are just too many questions today......

So what is the issue of the day today for me.... well it seems to be the stupidity of myself and the damned SMS's that plague the mind (but not the phone apparently!). I will elaborate. I have recently been the recipient of an SMS from a gentleman that I think is quite lovely. This SMS could easily have been interpreted as little more than idle chat and a friendly gesture. But, no, in my mind, and ever-aching heart, it has become the missives of a yearning love. The SMS's have been thrown back and 'fro - but still I wonder, what do they mean. I have a firm belief that men say exactly what they mean. No more, and no less. So when rational thought is so clear on the matter, why do I still pain myself with these thoughts of "what does this mean?"? Women are so irrational and emotional (I suppose that is why we are so delightful as well). I need clarity - or maybe just a good lie down.

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