Beware the barrenness of a busy life.
It has been nearly a year since I have had a remotely serious relationship with anyone. Despite the endless dating cycle that I seem to be on, at the end of the day, I have essentially been single for a year. This, for me, is an unprecedented period of alone time. It is not that I dislike my own company, in fact, I quite like me, but I would like to share some of me with someone else.
I have been accused of being too busy for a boyfriend. I find this statement ludicrous. Yes, I am busy, but so what. It is like saying I am too smart for most men. Yes, I am smart, but there are smart men who surely would like someone their intellectual equal.
So why am I so busy? And, further, why am I so alone?
It never ceases to amaze me that I am single. This is not meant to sound arrogant. But, as I attempt here to portray some positive self-esteem, I think I have a lot to offer someone. Though one should never compare, as I have been counseled only just recently (thanks Toph!), it is inevitable that I should compare with women I work with and associate with. What have they got that I don't? Buggered if I know.
So that brings me back to why I am so busy. Am I busy because I like to be busy? Or is it because I am trying to fill some empty void inside me? I am inclined to think it is a little bit of both. I realised today, just how long it has been since I have felt that overwhelming sense of love for someone. That wonderful out-pouring of emotion, where you feel so much happiness and love, that you just can't keep it inside.
Sigh. So many questions tonight and very few answers. Lucky I have some costumes to sew to keep my mind off it again for a while.