Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Beware the barrenness of a busy life.

It has been nearly a year since I have had a remotely serious relationship with anyone. Despite the endless dating cycle that I seem to be on, at the end of the day, I have essentially been single for a year. This, for me, is an unprecedented period of alone time. It is not that I dislike my own company, in fact, I quite like me, but I would like to share some of me with someone else.

I have been accused of being too busy for a boyfriend. I find this statement ludicrous. Yes, I am busy, but so what. It is like saying I am too smart for most men. Yes, I am smart, but there are smart men who surely would like someone their intellectual equal.

So why am I so busy? And, further, why am I so alone?

It never ceases to amaze me that I am single. This is not meant to sound arrogant. But, as I attempt here to portray some positive self-esteem, I think I have a lot to offer someone. Though one should never compare, as I have been counseled only just recently (thanks Toph!), it is inevitable that I should compare with women I work with and associate with. What have they got that I don't? Buggered if I know.

So that brings me back to why I am so busy. Am I busy because I like to be busy? Or is it because I am trying to fill some empty void inside me? I am inclined to think it is a little bit of both. I realised today, just how long it has been since I have felt that overwhelming sense of love for someone. That wonderful out-pouring of emotion, where you feel so much happiness and love, that you just can't keep it inside.

Sigh. So many questions tonight and very few answers. Lucky I have some costumes to sew to keep my mind off it again for a while.


scaryasakitten said...

Concur, there is only so much me any me can take. If it is of any use, SAAK has found it easier not to ask why… it just causes the head ouches

Anonymous said...

I am constantly told I am 'so busy', 'you do so much' bla bla bla. Well isn't that better than sitting around on my arse letting it get fatter and my mind going to jelly???? We are not single because we are too busy - honestly what a ridiculous thing to say.
Maybe we are single because people don't think they will be able to fit into our lives. That is THEIR unfortunate and insecure problem that we, the singletons get blamed for.
There is always room for a significant other so don't make excuses for us, we already make enough very well on our own.

Miss Tracey

Steph said...

I will admit to keeping busy so i don't have to stop and think too much.Exhaustion helps me sleep ')

Toph said...

well writen :)

you can compare, but only to people worse off than you. (Its not as much fun)