Thursday, September 13, 2007

(Ab)normal functioning

Whether rightly or wrongly, I have recently stopped taking my anti-depressants. I have attempted to go off them in the past, and have usually found that I quickly realised the error of my ways. This time, I hope it is for good.


I didn't mean to go off the drugs, but I kept forgetting to take them, and when I did, it was every other day or so. So I figured that it was only a small step to eradicating them altogether - so why not! Up until a few days ago, things had been going well. I congratulated myself on breaking 7 years of artificially enhanced seratonin levels. But now I am in a dilemma.

A few things of late have pissed me off. A few other things have made me cry. I have noticed that my tolerance of things is reduced, and I am seem more prone to an emotional reaction. So what I have to ask myself now is - is this normal? Am I so used to having my moods somewhat levelled out (yes people, the dramas of the past few years related here have all been under the assistance of drugs - and are therefore more moderate than they could have been - scary isn't it?) that I don't know how to function with normal roller-coasting emotions? Should I still be on the drugs because roller-coaster emotions AREN'T normal?

I am going to try and ride this out and see if I can function. To illustrate how crazy I feel at the moment, I actually smacked Isabella the other night for some annoying and pretentious behaviour. Me. Smacking my angel. Unbelievable.

So - consider yourselves warned. This could be a bumpy ride.

5 comments:

coffeesnob said...

you're ok. it's the opera wot's to blame. repeated exposure to those oversized, histrionic emotional displays have distorted your normal emotional settings. dido forgets to return her library book... and kills herself. a regular diet of that sort of thing could unhinge anybody.

Laughing Boy said...

go figure...half the world (mainly the young half) are taking pills to get on a rollercoaster, the other half are taking them to stay on the straight and narrow......

you seem like the average joe to me...oops...sorry...i didn't mean it like that, you're not average,....you are exceptional... oops...sorry, i didn't mean it like that, you are not exceptional....you are....and so it goes....
where you look for a fault you will find one.
chin up girl!

Katja said...

Ho,

I have struggled in the past (as you already know) with the meds. The meds are good to use when things are out of control and you need the crutch. Long-term I think that you can do more to help yourself by recognising your self-sabotage (and we all do it, it's just some of us are much more effective saboteurs than others) and taking steps to change those habits for the better.

Bumpy ride be damned - I'm proud of you for having a go and daring to try and kick it in the nuts.

kiki said...

i had a girlfriend who suffered depression (i most certainly don't claim to be an expert)

she tried going cold turkey on the drugs, that worked for a few weeks but then crashed and burned (doesn't mean this will happen for you). after seeing her doctor (who happened to be my dad, scary) she gradually moved onto different drugs that were of lesser strength.

now, she's drug free and doing really well

Perseus said...

The only person I know that successfully and effortlessly came off anti-depressants happened to replace the drugs with fitness. She did weights, sit-ups, John Howard-like walks and her diet was exceptional - hearty, low fat food, and plenty of it. As she put it - 'nature's own anti-depressants'. A punching bag also helped for the curly times.