Happy Belated New Year and all that...
It is about time I return here isn't it? I must admit that I had a lovely break sans blogging for a few weeks. Christmas came and went, and a New Year passed in with me tucked happily in bed well before the midnight hour. I went home to Brisbane for a Christmas break, bringing Isabella with me, and all was lovely, although I must admit that by the time I was due to leave, I was very much looking forward to returning to lovely Melbourne. Maybe too much of a good thing is just that....
And so we pass into 2008.
I have never subscribed to resolutions. If you need a life change - just do it - don't wait for a nominal date. But I suppose some people need something to prompt them in the right direction, and apparently January 1 is that prompt. At least for a month or so.
Despite the fact that I didn't celebrate the new year, I must admit to being a little happy that 2007 drew to a close. Very little about the year was particularly happy for me. The major happiness of the year for me was, of course, Isabella. I admit to being totally besotted and in love with her. Every day I marvel at this little creature who has totally captured my heart and imagination. She has changed me in so many small ways - for the better. She has become, in some ways, my very best friend. And when I am away from her, I miss her so much. She makes me smile when nothing else can, and is there to cuddle when I need to cry. My heart was broken in 2007, and is still not right, but I fell in love with this precious girl, and love every day I get to spend time with her.
My failings for the year include still being in contact with Bond and having deep feelings for him - despite the heartbroken and obvious disappointment that he brings. I also went off my anti-depressant medication for a few months. That turned out to be a bad experiment, but hopefully one that I have learnt from. I felt ok, and figured that I didn't really need the drugs anymore. I thought that maybe I really didn't have depression - who knows, maybe the doctor got it wrong, and it seemed so tacky to have depression!?! But when a sinking episode gripped me around late October and didn't let go, I began to have doubts about my dismissiveness of the diagnosis. I have never felt so wretchedly awful in my life. Days of feeling despair and contemplating how to end the overwhelming pain and sense of futility that engulfed me. I cried wondering when the tears would ever stop. All the joy in my life felt like it had dried up, never to return. Thankfully, my therapist and I discussed it, and I once again returned to the medication in mid-December. Slowly the blackness has lifted. Laughter is returning. Never again will I go off the medication, but I never want to forget those dark times - so I can remember why I need the drugs so much.
My other failing for the year was not reaching 50 books read in the year. I got to 46 and just couldn't make it there. My inspiration for this goal was a blog that I enjoy immensely called (quite creatively) 50 Books. I will try again this year to get to reach this goal. Perhaps I will get a little closer this time.
Rather than setting in concrete some resolutions and major aims for the year (book reading aside!), I have decided that my mantra, if you will, for the year is to be "This year things will be different." I am not sure yet how this will manifest, but I know things must change in my life, and they can only change by changing my attitude towards them.
So how is everyone else doing so far in '08?