Thursday, June 25, 2009


I never think of myself of being non-conformist. In fact, I think I am incredibly normal, and positively dull on occasion. I go to work, five days a week, and partake in a few little hobbies on the side. I don't drink to excess very often. I don't smoke. I don't inject, swallow or smoke anything illicit. I borrow books from the library and return them on time. You know, normal.

Strangely it seems, with the wedding plans, I am apparently quite the non-conventionalist. I left a woman I work with, both shocked and appalled when she asked about some of my wedding plans recently.

She began by asking to see my engagement ring.

NON-CONVENTIONALITY #1...... I have no engagement ring. There will be a ring. Of course there will be. I want BLING. Massive, fuck-off, drag-hand-on-the-ground, avert your eyes for the brightness type of Bling. But that bling is not coming until we get married. After breaking the news to this woman that there was no ring for now, I commented that hopefully the ring will be there on the day, since there was still quite a significant amount of it to be paid for. She giggles and says to me, "But that is not your problem to worry about!"

NON-CONVENTIONALITY #2...... I am paying for my ring. In fact, at this stage, I am paying for most of the wedding. Finances are such at the moment that Subtle doesn't have many spare pennies. In good time, I hope this imbalance will be sorted. But for now, I am the main bread-winner and therefore, chief bread-slicer. I briefly explained this to her. She tried to not look disappointed and shocked. No matter, she picked herself up to forge on with what would be her final question, "So what will your name be after the wedding?"

(Apparent) NON-CONVENTIONALITY #3......I am not changing my surname. At this point, R who had been sitting (mostly) quietly by, could no longer suppress his comments. He interjected with, "I am voting for 'Cathy'!". I tried, futilely, to explain that firstly I had been married before and changed my name that time. It didn't work for me. I hated it. I didn't feel right. MY surname is what feels right. Secondly, I am not 23 any more. (The age at my last marriage.) At 23 years old, my life/career was just starting, so changing my name was no big deal. At my age now, I am more established. I am comfortable and known. So there will be no name-changing.

I tried to rescue the conversation by laughing it off and saying "I know, I am a disappointment as a bride!". But no such luck, for her I was a wasted bridezilla opportunity.

So to further disappoint people - here are the other things NOT being done for our wedding.
- I am not being walked down the "aisle" by my father.
- I am not being "given away".
- We are not having a wedding rehearsal dinner.
- We are having no readings at the ceremony.
- We are having neither groomsmen or bridesmaids.
- We are not having a sitdown dinner.
- We are not having a "first" dance.
- I am not wearing a garter or any of those other silly ornaments.
- I am not throwing a bouquet.
- We are not having a formal photographer.
- I refuse to walk the aisle to the strains of "Here comes the bride!".

But I am wearing white.


alphawoman said...

Sounds like the perfect wedding to me. I bought my ring too. Didn't trust him! And I changed my name and I wish I had not. But, it is complicated either way.

Perseus said...

As long as the hen's night is totally debauched....

Esz said...

Sounds like an AWESOME wedding to me. My workmate had the BIG wedding with all the tradition and I can't help but think how pointless it all is.

Who cares about who pays for the ring? And all those silly things like bonbonierre (I cant even spell it) and garters!

Your wedding sounds like just the thing I'd dream about (and I havent even been married) - breaking convention is a good thing :-D

Katja said...

Better put:

It's *your* wedding. You're doing things *your* way.

If she feels that strongly about the ring and surname, then she should feel free to go get married herself.

That goes doubly for the ridiculous familial crap that most weddings seem to suffer from.

Take that, Cath's aunty!

Katagal Kapers said...

I'm with Katja on this one too!

Lewd Bob said...

It's not about the wedding, it's about the marriage.