Tuesday, August 24, 2004

A sense of self-doubt and a revisit from the recent past

I have been overcome of late by a sense of inadequacy. I am not sure what brought this on. Theoretically all is going swimmingly in my life per se, but my brain has never been one to do as it is told. Despite what seems to be obvious signs of success to the outside world, I seem to always be plagued with a sense of never quite doing good enough. Maybe because I have found as I got older that I could do things without necessarily having to try very hard - not necessarily being incredibly successful at them, but not having to work hard maybe meant that I didn't appreciate the fact that others could not even achieve the limited modicum of success that I had achieved. I am determined to try and not let B see the mantle of self-assurance crack.... although there are chips in the glaze at the moment.

On another matter: I was enjoying my usual sunday night bevvie at my usual location with B when I was approached by a gentleman asking if I remembered him. [Note: at this point in time B was absent from our table.] The gentelman was dressed in what can best be described as "mafia casual" with an abundance of black without any definite sense of style. I, in fact, did remember him, but had to take a second look since it was "tracksuit man" making an attempt to look like a human. Thankfully for me, B returned and tracksuit man put 2 and 2 together and came up with his exit call.

1 comment:

Pear said...

As someone who has spent an extraordinary amount of time pondering my own defficiencies of late, know you are not alone. The test of a good friend/partner/lover/whatever is that you can call them a cry like a girl and they will love you the more for it.

Yay for tracksuit boy!