How well calibrated is your Gay-dar?

S was telling me on the weekend about an article he had read recently about the top three signs that a man is gay. These three signs, and in no particular order, are;

(i) Drives a car that can be categorised as a "girly-hatch-back thing"
(ii) Has no interest in football (which for a Victorian is a religion)
and
(iii) Does not like beer

If these are the only things that define the "gay-ness" of a man, apparently S is currently pursuing the wrong sex! He would obviously make some man a lovely wife one day.

This has put me in mind of a question posed to me many years ago by a friend of mine. At that time he was having no success dating, and surmised a reason for this. He felt that maybe he was in fact gay. Given that it was a consideration of some import, I did not immediately laugh as was my natural reaction.

I waited a few seconds and then laughed.

To be fair, I then proceeded to take his hypothesis seriously. I asked a fairly fundamental question, considering he was talking about shifting his theretofore concrete sexual allegiance. I asked, "Well, do you find men attractive?" To which he answered a firm, "No". Ok. Strike 1. I began to wonder why we were having this conversation. But, I was a good friend, and decided to try another approach.

"Well, have you met some gentleman with whom you get on fabulously and think that maybe there is something there more than just a friendship?"

Again, "No" was the response. Strike 2.

Then an idea hit me, so I jumped in and asked, "Are you thinking you are gay because none of the women whom you like seem to like you back?". Silence and then a sheepish, "Yes". Strike 3. So my friend had begun to convince himself that because no women at that point reciprocated his affections, then he was targeting the wrong market.

It was an idea that I had never thought about before. I can't say that the concept of being dateless on a Saturday night, has ever had me eyeing off my girlfriends in a whole new light..... but then again, some of them are awfully lovely ladies......