Tuesday, October 19, 2004


Something I have been contemplating the past few days is whether or not men and women can ever really be friends. In "When Harry Met Sally", this same question was posed. Depending upon who you asked, the answer was yes or no, but the sex part seems to get in the way.

So, I have been trying to review my friendships with men and cataloguing whether there was any sex issues. To cut down the list of male friends, I figured I would only include those gentlemen with whom I could call up and chat with - just like I would with a girlfriend.

First there was G. We were friends from infancy to the mid-teenage years. Actually, come to think of it, our friendship began its demise about the time that our hormones began to make their appearance known. I still blame him for my predilection for blondes and cyclists.

Then there was M. I definitely did not want anything sexual from him - on that I can assure you. He was like a male version of myself and could understand any quirkiness that I possessed - especially my love for Judy Garland and Mickey Rooney movies. (Side note: he is not gay). The problem here of course was that he was besotted with me. For about 5 years. Hmmm. Another bad example.

For a brief while there was L. A beautiful looking man, whom I did quite desire, but knew that his leanings were elsewhere. I was definitely friends with him, and the sexual tension dissipated quite quickly when you are after the same men.

At university, there were numerous men that I was friends with, but they generally wanted me for my neat lecture notes and little more. I, on the other hand, after 12 years of private girls school, was slightly distracted by attractive men in my class. It was here that I met C. A wonderful man that I had a crush on for quite a while - and he acted like I never existed. The irony is that now we can talk about it and laugh it off.

Finally at work, I was friends with A for many years. He was a colleague, but much more than that - and I can proudly declare that there was absolutely NO sexual tension between us. Actually, it took a girlfriend of mine to point out to me that she thought he was quite a good-looking man. I had difficulty seeing him objectively.

Most importantly there was AB. A truer friend a person could never find. Since I have known him he has been with his current partner, R, and I suppose that has always limited the thoughts of any sexual kind. He is amazing. He is brother, confidante, support network, and a beautiful soul.

There is also R and F - my boys, as I would call them. Loveliest men on the planet. Again, I met them when they both had partners, and I think it made me see them for the people they are, other than just being two more penises.

Finally, there is S. I have waxed lyrical about S before. There is no sexual tension between us. But the for the first time in a very long time, my previous clear boundaries have blurred a little.

I suppose it is a romantic ideal of mine that a life partner of mine would be both a friend and a lover. 'Tis a romantic ideal - that is all. I think for me, men can only be friends of mine when there is NO tension, and this ideally when they are either; ugly, attached and/or gay. Unfortunately for me (but fortunately for the rest of the female population), S is none of these things.

So to prevent any further line blurring, could I request that S either get a girlfriend, have an unfortunate scarring skin disorder, or find a lovely man. Not too much to ask for my future sanity and the preservation of a great friend is it?


Anonymous said...

Well I dont know what you are complaining about. If S is such a catch then why not explore. I know I would if I had an S.

Cath said...

Exploration is only an option when there are two willing parties. He is a friend; no more, no less. Boyfriends may come and go, but true friends are for a lifetime. Trite to say - but true. ..... But I can pass you his number if you are interested....?????

Anonymous said...

If you are willing to pass him over so quick must be something wrong with him. So why are you willing to pass him over if the lines are blurred so much. Maybe i misread the lines bured I would think that you were thinking about it.

Anonymous said...

Because she realises that it takes 2 to have any sort of relationship.