Monday, March 21, 2005

People don't have labels - jars do

Yesterday, L7 called me a slut. She meant it in a non-confrontational way, and certainly only as a friendly jibe referring to the fact that I had had sex more recently than herself. Despite this, it hurt a little. Perhaps, because maybe it cut a little too close to the truth for comfort.

On Saturday night I had dinner with a group of women, only one of which I knew prior to the evening. One lady, apparently used to being considered "experienced" amongst this group, proceeded to inform all who cared to listen about her vast sexual experience and somewhat impressive prowess. She was a woman of less than chic appearance, somewhat rotund, but with an impressive bust. I feared, at that moment, that I was looking at myself ten years from now. Her amusing sexual anecdotes brought a smile to everyone's face, but the underlying thoughts of her incredibly lonely existence seemed to also murmur below the surface. I felt too much of a kinship with this dismal figure than I cared to acknowledge.

It is too easy to assume that just because one has sex outside of the traditional confines of a relationship, that that is exactly what one wants. I was questioned today why I had recently had a dalliance of a sexual nature with someone for whom I definitely had no intention of pursuing a relationship. Quite simply, a need was met. Ultimately, it is a lonely thing pursuing sex from people with whom one has little more than a passing interest in. It is my dearest wish to once again have a fully committed relationship, but it seems that at this point in my life - I am desirable for only one thing.

Interestingly, I did realise one thing today about fuck buddies, or transient lovers for those preferring a more delicate turn of phrase. Fuck buddies share one simple commonality.

They are honest.

You know up-front that it is only about sex. There are no expectations of anything more. There are no promises made to "catch up". Their text messages are blunt and direct, and never end with any meager protestations of affection. Because there are no emotions at stake, you can talk openly about all manner of topics. But it takes a different sort of person than I, to feel completely satisfied with a purely physical relationship.

I really don't want lovers, I want a boyfriend/partner/main squeeze - or whatever else is the appropriate politically correct term to use.

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