I am not negative, just a little cynical.

In about 23 minutes I am due to meet a gentleman for a drink and maybe, dinner. We have never met before, and have only passed a few emails back and forth. I should think that I would be slightly aflutter with anticipation and nervous energy. But I am rather flat.

I have made suitable preparations, as in, coiffed and made-up. But the heart is just not in it. Not due to his fault at all. In fact, on paper he sounds quite suitable for me. Not too tall. Not too old. Intelligent. Has read classics. Professes a love of Beethoven. All good things. I suppose after the incident of last week with Him, it is hard to muster up the motivation to be too enthused so quickly.

Unlike a girlfriend of mine whom I spoke to today.

She has the amazing nack of being able to find her "soul-mate" about every 8 to 12 months. There are protestations of love and adoration. Generally a well thought out life plan for them, in the first couple of months, and then after another few months, the inevitable break-up. In the last few years she has been engaged more than once, but all seem to end up as "bastards" and "total idiots".

So, today when she announced that she was getting married to "Peter", I reserved congratulations for a moment. Firstly, since I didn't even know she was dating anyone. The last time we spoke, she had sworn off men after the last "bastard" and her had broken up, despite wanting to get married and make babies together. Secondly, they have apparently been dating about two months, and this was quick, even by her standards.

She declared that he thought that she was wonderful, and would do anything for her. On and on she told me of all the ways he was besotted with her. It lead me to ask, "But how do you feel about him?", since it seemed to be something distinctly lacking from her conversation. Apparently, he is divine. Knowing her as I do, I feel inclined to hold off purchasing my plane ticket home for the nuptials.

So, I ask myself, is my reticence to purchase flights five months ahead because of a cynical sense of dread that this will all come to naught, or just because I am just a little bit jealous?

Hmmmmmm.