What to do? What to feel?
I got an email last night from N. I was initially excited, since I thought it might be something relevant to this weekend's upcoming party in his, and his lovely fiance's, honour. I had spent quite a while perusing suitable presents for them last weekend. I wanted something that encapsulated how happy I am for them. Something meaningful. Something appropriate. Something memorable. Admittedly, I had set myself a high aim, and was tempted more than once to get something cheesy like the "George Foreman Grill" or dull, like linen. So considering my history with N, and wanting to convey my true pleasure for his choice in future life partner, I was taken aback by an email last night asking me not to come to their engagement party.
It seems that someone forwarded this blog address to them, and his fiance was none too pleased with what she read. Clearly, a recent entry regarding the up-coming party would have piqued her interest. Despite the other 180 plus entries that exist, which have NOTHING to do with her or N, I was also told in his email to "be careful what you write". Hmmm.
So how do I feel today? Confused, upset, tired, groggy (from taking sleeping tablets to try and sleep). Should I feel bad for writing about MY life and how it affects me? Should I feel angry for someone trying to tell me what is appropriate to write about on my own blog? Not sure about any of it really. What amazes me more than anything is that N and I do not share any common friends at all. So, any friends of mine who read this blog, do not know him and therefore, do not know his fiance. So how did he "find out" about the blog? I don't know. I have suspicions, completely unfounded, but certainly not someone who would feel the need to be anonymous to N.
I have always attempted to preserve people's anonymity on here. I do censor what I write, but only to a certain degree. There are things that have passed between not only N and I, but others and myself, which I would never write about in such a public, albeit theoretically anonymous, forum. All of this made me wonder whether I should axe this blog? Move to a super-secret e-location? Keep posted, I suppose.
So the lesson of today for me is: You really shouldn't be friends with an ex.
And the lesson for everyone else: If you don't like what you are reading.... then Stop!