Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Let me clarify...

Apparently yesterday's post drew concern from more than one party. Thank you to everyone. I had a total melt-down last night after not receiving a phone call from Thackeray for a couple of hours after the "appointed" time. Yes, I know, doesn't seem like much. But it was enough to throw me off balance.

When he did ring, he was shocked that I was upset by it. Further, to paraphrase PSD, sometimes "It's not all about you Cath", I was to discover that Thackeray had his own rather important shit going on. This, naturally, moved me down the list of his priorities. Then I felt bad, for being a selfish, whiny girl. And of course, his phone call came well after I had placed the previous entry up.

So to put all at rest, I am ok. He and I are ok. All is ok.

The biggest problem I have now is the fact that in my head, this all started out as some "harmless" fling. But it is more than that. It is so much better than that. How does he feel? I don't know. The lap dancer the other night was amused by the fact that in such a short time, we had discussed all manner of sexual fantasy, but not what is going to happen after the end of the week. Maybe nothing will happen. That thought plays on my mind, and makes me sad contemplating that this will all too soon be past and no more.

It goes without saying that I like him. But I like how I feel and who I am, around him. That feeling is rare, and something I don't want to let go of too soon.

5 comments:

Miss Natalie said...

That unsettling feeling is hard to deal with - preparing for disappointment and craving for the excitement. Its bitter sweet...

Cath said...

Natalie - you have got it in one. Disappointment and excitement concurrently.

Donna said...

Bittersweet indeed - keep up the good work though ;)

Anonymous said...

I'm glad to hear it, Cath. I've decided to keep reading this blog till you find lasting happiness.
But hey, no presssure.

Boris

Cath said...

Thanks Boris.... Fuck. I could have just gained myself a reader for life - LMAO!