It's a soppy one.. bite me for being melancholic
Thinking about Bond makes me very confused. If I don't hear from him when I expect to, or want to, I get annoyed and start thinking - it's all over. Other times, I have no doubt about how much I care for him and how he is what I want. Sometimes I think I am in love with the idea of him - and him being so far away gives little opportunity to dispel any myths. Reality might prove horrible. I know that from dating N, that until we lived together, everything was going well. But dealing with someone's everyday, rather pedestrian goings-on was not only a wake-up call, but the death knell of our relationship.
But most of the time, when I think of being near Bond, my heart skips a beat. I feel that amazing and indescribable sensation rather like that moment before kissing someone for the first time. That moment, when you know you are going to kiss, and you both feel excited about it.
I remember my first kiss with Bond for better than our first fuck. (A fuck it was - no romantic love-making on that occasion.) We both stood there looking at each other, both thinking similar thoughts I am sure, and wanting to be close those final inches between us. And then he leaned in and kissed me. And then we both smiled.
It was good. And when a kiss was good like that, I just knew the rest was going to feel even better.
When I think about how frustrated I am, and how frustrating this situation is, I think of those first kisses. I remember the combination of raw sexuality and the tenderness within. I ache for him all over, but it is for his that I yearn the most.