Things not to do when you feel sad and lonely
I have terrible mood swings. Ok, this is a no-brainer for those that know me. And maybe even for those that only read this blog, you may have discerned a certain pendulum-esque type nature to my entries, and hence, my moods.
Well, Bond and I had a phone call the other day where I was berated somewhat for a couple of my actions. As a result, I probably had what is best described as a hissy fit. Of course, he is completely unaware of said fit, but no matter. I threw the fit, and again, plunged myself into an internal monologue of questions without answers - or at least answers I don't want to entertain. Classic ones that surface time and time are "Why am I doing this?", "He doesn't love me - it is plain to see - so why do I continue? Why does he continue?" and "I just need to see him - does he want to see me?". Yes, I know. Beyond pathetic - but this is who I am.
So, can I tell you the worst possible thing to do when one's unsatisfying long-distance relationship is giving you the shits, and you are questioning everything in your life - is to go and see a movie where all the long-distance relationships just work out peachy and there is a happy ending! On Saturday, I went to the movies by myself to see "The Holiday". Surely a rom-com is meant to alleviate a poor mood and fill one with a sense of levity and love for all humankind? Fuck, no. I was highly disappointed in this pap where Jude Law, himself a philandering father, is meant to be not only the handsome, successful and intelligent book editor, but the touching widower and father of two, who is learning to sew in his spare time for the kid's tutus. Then there is Jack Black who is the sensitive composer, whose love of music is more poignant when contrasted with his poor track record with undeserving women. Oh yes, both men are SNAGS and caring, and gentle and loving. Both don't have trouble expressing their emotions and both meet women with whom they bond instantaneously, and drop everything to spend just a few precious days with these women.
The only "real" part of the movie for me is when Cameron Diaz relates all the ways that a long distance relationship will slowly go down the toilet. The kicker is the line where she says that they would break up and "never ever have to see each other again". With Bond on the other side of world, it is a truism, that if I decide to stop this nonsense, I will never see him again. Shouldn't that be a good thing, knowing that I will never "accidentally" bump into him out with a new woman? Never have to worry about bumping into him when I am looking less than glamorous, which is what inevitably happens when one bumps into an ex. But no, I just think, I will never see him again. And that, my friends, is what makes me sad. Every single day.