Thursday, November 01, 2007

A little announcement

I had a date last night. It was a result of a speed dating attempt, yet again. It didn't start well in that he insisted that I come to his side of town, to a place across the road from his apartment. Surely on a first meeting/date the concept of a location "halfway" is not unreasonable? Further, what happened to chivalry and the gentleman coming to me?

Sigh.

Anyway, we met for a drink. He drank Red Bull, I had Red Wine. He declared Global Warming is a lie and refuses to acknowledge his part in it - he has a fuel guzzling speed boat. He also declared that "all those Paki's" should learn to clean themselves up.

Oh, it was a charming night. But what I also thought strange, as I tried to extract myself at the close of the evening, are the little things that I am sure men must think are romantic. So by way of public service announcement, here goes, ahem....

NOTICE TO ANY BOYS I MAY DATE: Swirling your tongue round and round my ear canal is NOT sexy. Grabbing my hand and putting it firmly on your obviously aroused member, is also NOT sexy. Taking off your pants, pulling out your aroused member and beginning to stroke it whilst we are completely otherwise fully dressed, is not only NOT sexy, is NOT going to entice me to sleep with you.

End of Notice.

14 comments:

Katja said...

Well, I guess we now know why we wanted you to come all the way over to his side of town: that way, he could be sure he had handy access to his bach-pad.

Yeuch. My skin just crawled right out the door...

Betty Boob Hug said...

oh that is truly rank. Urgh, I dont' know how I would have handled myself either. What a fool !!

coffeesnob said...

i'd expect jonah takalua to behave better on a date...

one of the essential skills of speed-dating (i'm told) is your capacity for speed-dumping.

Anonymous said...

My Dear,
please tell me that you are either joking or you kicked him where he was twirling? Or finally you told him to just go play with himself as because he brought it out he obviously wanted to go toss off somewhere.
Remember, we aren't all that big a F*wit!
Pingu

Natalia said...

People like that should not be allowed to date. Cause dating might lead to sex and sex might lead to pregnancy. And do we really want those genes living on? We should promptly tattoo a U for Undatable on his forehead, and send him on his way.

-N

A Girl You Know said...

oh. my. god. I seriously had this same conversation about the tongue in the ear with some guys the other day!! I don't know how or why they think that's sooo fricking sexy. Really, it's just an adult wet willie. I hate that shit. Good post. Brought back some great memories.

londongirl said...

Crikey. What a charmer.

I'm quite a believer in the half way thing. And would outright refuse to go to theirs on the first date.

Still, it's a good story.

kiki said...

wow

Kitty said...

hahahahahaha! great post! i found you through betty boobie, what a cack.

i have so dated that guy too! about 50 times...

EmmaK said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
EmmaK said...

so funny. In the notice to boys I may date are you referring to speed dating guy, if so: where did he get his penis out while fully dressed? in the pub? in the street? He sounds like a keeper ;)

Mr R Rabbit said...

You should have got your scissors out in retaliation.

I think the only thing he may have done right was disputing global warming, though by the sound of it that was just a kneejerk reaction, and he had no idea why its actually in doubt.

Laughing Boy said...

....cripes!!!, back to the drawing board for me then.

Spiky Zora Jones said...

Ha...Yikes! Just the comment on Global Warming had me thinking about excusing myself to the girls room for a quick get-away from that loser.
Ciao babes.