Thursday, November 29, 2007

Nuptial Nastiness

I have a wedding to go to this weekend, and I can't say I am too thrilled at the prospect. Even at the best of emotional times, I find weddings dull in the extreme. And of course, these are not the best of emotional times for me, so you can imagine my anticipation of enjoyment is low.

A few weeks ago I had brunch with the couple in question, and they asked me if I was looking forward to the wedding. I had to wonder why they were asking me that - it wasn't as if *I* was getting married - so why would I be looking forward to it? I admitted, whether rightly or wrongly, that I didn't particular enjoy weddings. They were taken aback, and responded, "Oh, but ours is different!".

Hmmm. Clearly the concept that one does not generally enjoy weddings was lost on them. I am hoping that were blind due to the fact that they are, obviously, looking forward to it, and assumed that everyone else was too.

I am planning on beginning drinking even before the nuptials - waiting until the reception is a REALLY long time. I do hope also that the champagne served is of a reasonable quality and will be flowing freely for me. Some people have said that at least there is food and drinks to help you through the wedding. But I think most receptions have quite "ordinary" food - bulk catering does that - and cheap liquor. Listening to droll speeches and making idle chit chat about crap is also not my idea of a good night out.

This wedding is apparently to be quite small. So yippee for me - I will already know all of the people there. And barring one other single woman, they are ALL couples. Couples I have to sit with and listen to their happy home life stories.

So does anybody have any suggestions on how to cope with this weekend?

10 comments:

Natalia said...

The fact is that most people don't enjoy weddings. The fact is even the people in the wedding mostly don't enjoy the wedding. It's a ritual. And expensive one at that. I don't get it.

-N

coffeesnob said...

when the couple ask "are you looking forward to our wedding?" the correct response is "oh, not as much as you!". thereby managing to be truthful, flattering and snide all at once.

"making idle chit chat about crap" is pretty much what socialising is.

kiki said...

get stoned for the ceremony

seriously

Rob said...

iPods are tiny.. and with the right wardrobe selection you could have some fantastic soundtrack to their wedding going on. or better yet, find yourself an amazing audiobook playing.

Any problems, either turn it into a security earpiece.. or make it look like a hearing aid.

Kerri said...

The alternative is you know that you do not like attending weddings! The RSVP card is there for a reason you can graciously turn down the invitation send a lovely gift as per gift register and save yourself the bother of having to make idle chitchat and the happy couple the expense of feeding and watering you
Just a proactive thought as opposed to the whine of "woe is me must attend wedding"

Anonymous said...

I must say I agree with kerrie .... a simple "no", send a gift, don't even need to shop or wrap or deliver - do it all online .... then no whinging; no wedding, no drama.

Girl Vino said...

Amp yourself up for the event with a cocktail or two before you go. Be on top of your game and chat with people you don't know and make out you are living your dream. Failing that, fake an illness and send your apologies. Make it something contagious. I have been a bridesmaid a few times and hubs has had to make small talk with people he doesn't even know until all the formalities are over. Hats off to him cos that sucks.

Betty said...

yep, go get shit faced on champagne and make stupid chit chat with everybody... then dance like Gloria Estefan on the dance floor and try to grope the groom's elderly uncle.

works for me everytime.

Perseus said...

Cocaine.

Anonymous said...

Personally, I'd be a bit put out if a supposed friend tried to make one of the biggest days of my life all about them...