Monday, April 28, 2008

Public Service Announcement!

In the interests of protecting other women, I am performing this public service announcement so that other women do not also suffer.

On Saturday night I had a date with a man. Yes, I know, that in itself should be cause for much joy and delight. But control yourselves. He is a "nice" man (death knell...) who seems genuine and sweet. He also was quite a gentleman and seems to like me. Sunday morning, as is the habit of men who are interested, he rang to see how I was, and also try and procure another date with me that day. But before he got to those details, being a nice person, I asked how he was. He replied, "I don't quite know how to put this." I waited, "Oh?". He continued, "I got home last night to find I had been burgled." Somehow when bad things happen to people when they are out with me, it feels like my fault. I reacted as one would expect, "Oh dear - are you ok?". And here is where things go bad. He replied, "Yes, it seems someone has come and stolen my heart."

Yes, he really said that.

And I used all my strength not to guffaw down the phone and tell him to stop being such a nob. Go me!

So this is to warn all women - there are men out there willing to use cheesy lines to secure your affections. In the words of one person to whom I related this story, "You can't speak to him ever again." People like this man cannot be allowed to spread this type of unimaginative dross around.

You have been warned!


coffeesnob said...

even jacques brunswick wouldn't say that.

you may guffaw. i'm wincing.

Perseus said...

Whatever happened to good old, "Show us yer tits!".

It works for me*.

* 1 in 500 times.

AppleJess said...

Ahhhhh now you've made my day..too FUNNY!!

Occidentally said...

If I told you that you had a great body would you hold it against me?

Katja said...

Would you like some cheese with your corn?

Anonymous said...

Good lawd,
even I (at my most cheesiest) have never come out with something that Pukefull!!!
My dear, do the world a favour and run him over with your moped!!!!

Anonymous said...

Oh me oh my, can you hear my guffaws from Fitzroy???

Miss T

Banttha Fodder said...

Jeez Louise! "Someone has stolen my heart" deserves the response "Just wait there, I'll come around and tear it out with my bare hands too"

Jules said...

I would just hang up!! Too much cheese in one sentence, I just developed a dairy allergy!!

Anonymous said...

Miss C,
You'll be pleased to know this is also doing the rounds of Sydney Scoiety - us northern girls needed the warning as well.
Absolutely priceless.
Miss K.

The Book Grocer said...

I'm stealing that. I'll be back with the results in a week or two. And thanks!!!!