I am constantly learning things at the moment. It was said to me once that being in a relationship is just as hard as being single - no matter how good it is. At the time I was bitterly complaining about my single status and some issues and problems I perceived. Now that I am no longer single, and embarking on co-habitation (the first time in over 5 years), there are a whole new range of issues and problems.
Thankfully for me and Subtle, two and a half years of therapy have finally started to come to fruition. Which is probably the reason that I am able to enjoy such a wonderfully positive and healthy relationship as I am now. But issues and problems there are. Mostly small, some large. But thankfully, Subtle and I are keen to talk about anything and everything to ensure we both understand each other and where we want our future to go.
I keep forgetting that he is there. Not literally when he is there in front of me and I stumble over him. Then, I know too well he is around! No, I mean that I sometimes forget to put his name in conversation. I shall explain. When the ex-husband and I first broke up, one of the hardest things to assimilate to was no longer saying "us" and "we" eg "When we were on holiday....". After eight years with a person, and from meeting at a young age, most of my significant life experiences up until that point had been shared with someone else - so the use of "us" and "we" was so much a part of my language that I took it for granted. But then things all changed, and I had to remember to delete the "we" and go back to "me". It was incredibly hard and felt so pointedly obvious everytime I did it. Eventually I got used to it and it then became second nature for me.
Now, nine years on from that marriage dissolution, and I am ever so happily ensconced in one of the best relationships of my life, I have to learn to say "we" again. I also have to remember to tell Subtle things. You know, little things like major financial decisions.... nothing much at all. You get so used to looking after yourself for a long time, and fending for yourself and protecting yourself (physically, emotionally and financially), that it is a strange thing to again remember to let someone else in.
Sure I can get used to the strewn dirty clothes and big sweaty man in bed - but informing him of things that I have been thinking that may in fact affect him??? That takes a little longer.