Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Special dates

Today marks a special occasion. My blogiversary. This day five years ago, I put finger to keyboard and began this blog. I was inspired to start the blog because of Miss Pear, whose former blog has now gone on hiatus. I think I felt I just needed somewhere to write things down. Over many years I have "journaled", although not with any great commitment, and whenever I travelled, I have attempted to write down my escapades.

I don't know what my original plan was in starting a blog. My therapist has discussed my blog at length, although she has never read it, and ponders my need to discuss my life with the world. I don't really know what I wanted to do or prove with this. But, here it is, five years on, still going and I find myself still looking to it for comfort and solace, and some sort of unloading place. There have been times when the blog is the only place that I have been able to truly express how I feel about something. And in the expressing, feel better for it.

Don't suppose for a moment that the blog has been all candy canes and puppy dogs. There are moments when it has been "discovered" and caused me some grief. At those times I have questioned my motives, and pondered whether I should shut it down. Strangely, the blog has won out above all. I think I always came to the conclusion that this blog hurts noone, and is a part of me.

I have always endeavoured on here to be true to myself, and indeed true to whomever reads it. To preserve some sort of privacy, I have used "part" anonymity for myself (although those people who know me in the real world are a different case), and anonymity for all those I mention who don't wish their lives to be public.

For a long time, my blog was a sort of bug-bear with relationships. I felt the need to keep it from many I may have dated, probably as a means of preserving some part of myself and also for fear of what they might think. There have been men who I have seen, who read the blog, either whilst with me, or after we parted ways. And the result was always a negative. Either to me or them. Until Subtle.

Subtle has been reading my blog for well over two years before we ever met face to face. In meeting him, as in meetings I have had with other people via my blog (yes, Kiki that includes you!), was a little awkward. Here is someone who knows an awful lot about me. They have no reference or knowledge of my life except via what I have chosen to edit to the world. But, in a way, meeting someone who knows some of the worst, and best, bits of your life and is still intrigued or interested in you - well, it is pretty special. To be accepted by people is always a pretty nice thing. And then, for Subtle to continue to get to know me - knowing that our lives would end up on here for public scrutiny - has been even more amazing.

I suppose I regard this blog as part of my therapy, and part my life. Five years is a long time and anyone who has been reading along with me for all, or any of this time, I thank you. All comments are always read and appreciated, and I always wonder about the people who stop by and look into this little portal of my life. Sometimes, when one is down and lonely, these virtual friends via here have been a lifeline.

I wonder whether sometimes it is time to say goodbye to blogging. But I don't think so for me just yet. So I will beg your patience with me a little while longer and invite you to share the journey of my life here for a bit more.

Thanks for a great five years!

6 comments:

Perseus said...

Happy bloggaversary, or whatever it is.

That's awesome dedication. I'm ready to bail after only a year.

I hope though to read five more years of your stuff.

Sydney Pear said...

Hi,
Not on hiatus, just moved house. Had some 'boundary issues' with work folks who found the blog. I'm now on http://melbwishes.livejournal.com

:)
Miss Pear.

Anonymous said...

Miss Pear - thank you for your new address .... I was wondering how to find you ..... 5 years Miss C, I remember the first entry .... and Miss Pear I remember the wonderful entry about our tapping school! we miss you here in the Melbourne tapping world.

Keep going Miss C, as Perseus says, 5 more years to read. Miss D

kiki said...

awkward?

i've come close to 'retiring' the blog too; but i've still got a little kick in me.

i see you've read Wolves Eat Dogs. how was it compared to Chernobyl? i love that book (and series)

jo_blue said...

Congratulations on 5 years of blogging. I, for one, am really glad to have stumbled upon your blog. Your dating dramas have been a real glimpse into a part of life I didn't experience (but wish I had), having met my ex when I was only 18. I hope you keep blogging, to see your life unfold in the security of a good, stable relationship, with a man who accepts you, flaws and all.

Congratulations again. :)

Babycakes said...

Happy anniversary. I liked what you wrote about why you blog. It's good to unload without too much judgement!