Friday, June 25, 2010

The way things make me feel

Many years ago a friend of mine was seeing a man whom she quite liked. He had come out of a marriage/serious relationship a few years before, and although i wasn't sure if this was his first significant relationship since then, it certainly was one of note. My girlfriend was VERY eager for marriage and a family. The whole box and dice. But this guy's behaviour was not in keeping with that life plan. In fact, it seemed quite obvious to me that he was still not over his past relationship and in fact, was still suffering. I said to her once, when asked on my thoughts on him, that he seemed to be still not over his ex, and that she should be careful with him. But she couldn't see it. She replied, "But that was ages ago. He SHOULD be over her by now."

They broke up. Because, he wasn't ready for a relationship, because he wasn't over his ex. (Very rarely can I be insightful with regards to relationship advice!) She wanted to tell him how he SHOULD be feeling, and it just wasn't right for him and he certainly wasn't ready.

Of late, I have been encountering some resistance from some people around me telling me how I SHOULD be feeling right now during my pregnancy. My mother is a prime perpetrator, as well as some other women whom I have encountered. If I complain that I am feeling not particularly enamoured with this whole pregnancy thing, because I am tried of the zillionth pregnancy induced headache, or my hips are aching, or whatever else it is, the response I get is, "But you should be LOVING this time of life. It is a beautiful thing." Sure it might be an amazing thing to create life, although it seems every bogan can do it without nary a worry, but you know, what it does to your body is not that beautiful.

There are so many things I was aware of happening, like the getting bigger and potential swollen ankles (not yet) and stretch marks (also, not yet), and nausea (some early on). But it is the millions of things that I didn't know about. Oh like, the stabbing pains from your ligaments around your uterus when they stretch. The constantly sore breasts. The weird changes in the look of your breasts, no, not the size - I have some funky colours going on down there. The unexplained inability to sleep, despite being exhausted at all times of the day. The funky changes in bowels, and references to discharge that I didn't think I would have to know about. But most of all, the most annoying thing is the stories that you get told by people about their birthing experiences. Horror movies have nothing on those tales.*

If someone has a blissful pregnancy experience, well, good for them. And if someone has an ordinary experience, well, it just sucks doesn't it? So really, I don't want someone telling me how I should feel. It is how it is, and hopefully, all will be good in the end.

*Although my favourite story was by a colleague who told me about how most of the labour was a bit boring, and late at night, so she dozed off until it got more important for her to be awake. She is my new role model.


jo_blue said...

Well said. My first pregnancy was pretty good, my second one not so much. Every pregnancy is different - just like the children that are produced as a result. And just to forewarn you - wait til you get to the part about breastfeeding... don't let them tell you it doesn't hurt because it damn well does. And if you think your kid needs a dummy, well do that too. All the best of luck to you and Subtle.

kiki said...

all those people telling you how you should be feeling probably felt exactly the same way you do right now, it's just looking back years on you think back with good thoughts