Friday, March 24, 2006

Things that needed to be said

Over a glass of wine the other night with the Boy, he coyly proposed that we "go steady". Curiously, I don't think I have ever had anyone ever ask such a thing, but he said, despite the 21st Century, it seemed the most appropriate thing for him to say. I readily agreed. So now that we had established our exclusivity, it was time for me to cut loose any other ties that still remained.

I hadn't seen BB for at least a week or so, citing a busy schedule, but also, ambivalence about he and I, and far more excitement with the new boy. Ironically, just after receiving the "proposal" from the Boy, I got an email from BB asking, "Where are we going?". The timing was apt, and none too soon. I posed an email to S, bemoaning the task that I had to do. How do I politely say "Thanks, but no thanks"? S was all too quick to help by forwarding on an email that his own beloved had written some time ago for a male friend. It was instructions to men about how to dump women gently.

I read it with great interest, and laughed more than once. Scarily, it sounded all too familiar and a lot like B's breakup with me. Apparently, there were a number of key points to the technique of breaking up with a woman.

(i) Always make it look like it is your fault, and nothing to do with her. She is lovely, and YOU are not ready for anything serious.
(ii) Listen intently to her crap on, as much as is required.
(iii) Reiterate how much you like and respect her and are concerned as to how she is feeling. This then segues nicely into you attempting to "keep in contact". At no point do you use the "I want to be friends" line.
(iv) Accept any accusations of being the bastard graciously, and leave without shagging or even kissing goodbye. Walk away, and don't look back.

Allegedly this is the way to preserve both her dignity and his masculinity. Bollocks - I say. No matter how you do it; it is going to get ugly, and at some point, there will be tears. Especially if there were any real emotions involved.

So I drafted my email back to BB, carefully outlining that I didn't think that he and I were on the same page, but punctuating the fact that I thought he was a nice person and all that sort of palaver that one says. I checked back on the internet dating site later that same evening, and he had already reinstated his profile. Good to see that he mourned the loss of my company for a good few minutes before moving on!


Donna said...

Oh, I remember all too well circumstances such as these. But it's so HILARIOUS. Treasure these moments - one day, they'll be your legacy!!

Anonymous said...

"going steady" - well done .... but does that mean YOU have taken your profile off the internet???????

Cath said...

Indeed I have removed it.