Fear of ..... Intimacy?
Over dinner this evening, I had to make an embarrassing admission to my dining companions. They were both shocked, and assured me that it was just a passing phase.
In what now seems like a lifetime ago, there was a time when my appetite for sex was incomparable. I was seemingly insatiable with both a voracious and uninhibited inclination. Although I desired relationships, I was also quite happy with passing fancies and whatever happened to be on offer. (OK, that makes me sound like a slut - think less slut, and more new-age confident woman.....)
But of late I am uninspired. I have no desire for sex for the sake of it. I am certainly not driven to go out and seek the "zipless fuck" - thank you Ms Jong. The other evening a girlfriend of mine recommended the "services" of a friend of hers. She assured me that he would not be happy until I was happy, and had as yet to disappoint. He and I have had drinks before, and he is a lovely fellow. I don't desire him for a relationship, but he is certainly an attractive man. Further, he has been sms'ing of late, desiring the opportunity to "catch up". And yet, I hesitate.
Do I hesitate because of lingering emotions for Bond? Am I cautious because of my therapist's reminders about looking for "what I really want", rather than taking a quick fix? Or worse still, do I hesitate because somewhere along the way, I have turned into a girl and want emotion along with sex? I fear the latter is the scarier reason of them all.
Dear God... I think I just want a cuddle!