Fear of ..... Intimacy?
Over dinner this evening, I had to make an embarrassing admission to my dining companions. They were both shocked, and assured me that it was just a passing phase.
In what now seems like a lifetime ago, there was a time when my appetite for sex was incomparable. I was seemingly insatiable with both a voracious and uninhibited inclination. Although I desired relationships, I was also quite happy with passing fancies and whatever happened to be on offer. (OK, that makes me sound like a slut - think less slut, and more new-age confident woman.....)
But of late I am uninspired. I have no desire for sex for the sake of it. I am certainly not driven to go out and seek the "zipless fuck" - thank you Ms Jong. The other evening a girlfriend of mine recommended the "services" of a friend of hers. She assured me that he would not be happy until I was happy, and had as yet to disappoint. He and I have had drinks before, and he is a lovely fellow. I don't desire him for a relationship, but he is certainly an attractive man. Further, he has been sms'ing of late, desiring the opportunity to "catch up". And yet, I hesitate.
Do I hesitate because of lingering emotions for Bond? Am I cautious because of my therapist's reminders about looking for "what I really want", rather than taking a quick fix? Or worse still, do I hesitate because somewhere along the way, I have turned into a girl and want emotion along with sex? I fear the latter is the scarier reason of them all.
Dear God... I think I just want a cuddle!
5 comments:
Ahh, the issue of do I or don't I? Personally I think the longer you go without sex, the less you feel like doing it. I'm sure if you gave this guy a call, had a night out and finished on a high note, it could be a very pleasant evening? Maybe he could even inspire you to keep searching for that special someone?
Me too! Isn't it terrifying?!
Love your blog. I am relationship defective lately, so I am not really in a good standing to give you advice atm... but good luck to ya! :-)
How about just going for a drink and seeing how you feel? If he's a friend of a friend you should at the least have a nice evening, which might put Bond in a different perspective (regardless of whether you do the deed...)
Maybe you need to remember how fantastically awesome sex really is so you can get back into the saddle, so to speak?
Post a Comment