Wednesday, June 13, 2007

I am Sam(son)

The haircut is done. And I am recovering - slowly.

Let me begin by describing my new hairdresser - before I move on to my hair. My old hairdresser of many years was a lovely young gay boy. Prior to that my stylist of many years was a lovely fag hag in a whole salon of gay boys. See the pattern here? The new fellow - for he is a man - is straight. Frankly I didn't think that straight men cut hair. No slight on their abilities, but it just seems wrong somehow. But, I thought that this would be interesting - a whole different perspective on me and my hair. Then I should mention that he is 38 and single. Now we are starting to get into dangerous territory. The final nail in the coffin is that he is American - specifically from California - just like Bond.

So here I am confronted by a charming, witty, cute, single American with the power of scissors. What do you think happened? I admitted that I wanted to "lose some length", which somewhere along the way was interpreted as "cut it all off". It wasn't until I was being shown the true horror of my lack of hair in a mirror that he admitted that his one problem when it comes to women is that he seems to prefer lesbians - ie women with short hair. Cue my unfolding drama. My hair which had reached down below my bra, was now barely onto my neck, and in layers, and using a pile of product* - all the things that I avoided until this time.

And his sales pitch to this new 'do - "Your hair was too dull for your personality!". When I tried to convince PSD and Miss L last night over dinner that I am really quite normal and dull - and thus the hair - they laughed mockingly. Clearly I need to rethink my delivery of such dramatic statements.

It goes without saying that I have been crying - but what to do? If I return to the hairdresser - he may want to take even more off - which I don't think I could cope with at this point. I feel totally unattractive - and while I am having NO success dating wise at the moment anyway - my haircut is just reinforcing that I may not actually date again until 2010 (I estimate).

*Think funky rock chick look - but 80's rock chick - perhaps Pat Benatar or Suzi Quattro. I kid not.


coffeesnob said...

this is awful. sorry about tears. but anyone who can write those movie reivews doesn't need to rely on her hair to charm her way through a date.

personally i think the best (girl) hari is long, straight, requiring minimal maintenance or product to get it started in the morning.

Cath said...

And see now you tell me... now that I have got rid of my long straight hair (although it needed a straightener to get it that way....!).

Speaking of reviews - watched some more movies of late - really need to get on top of my reviews again for your critical thoughts!

Katja said...


I would love to see a photo of this hair that you say is so awful. Knowing how you can get wound up about things that really aren't so terrible, I'm sure it's perfect for your personality.

And straight boys do cut hair - my lovely boy is Andy, straight as an arrow and cute to boot!

And product, schmoduct - it's just another version of harispray and I've seen your enormous can of that!

Ho xx

Anonymous said...


It's hair babe, a renewable resource!! It will grow back if you wish lush and thick! Work the new do - make it yours and own it - it probably looks fabulous and you are balking cause you need a few extra minutes in the bathroom!
I don't doubt for a moment you will look sensational and we all shall be wondering what the fuck the fuss was about!! Kerri

Anonymous said...

I honestly think I have had that haircut before. I kept saying I looked like Joan Jett. And once I said it out loud in front of people... that is all they could see when they looked at me. It was awful! I pinned it back a lot, just so I didn't look like an 80's rock lesbian. :-P

Anonymous said...

Oh My God! I know what this is like.

When I was 14 I took part in a hair show. My beautiful golden blonde, long, straight hair almost to my waist was cut off in one fell swoop of a pony tail before I knew it. (I kept that pony tail for years)And was permed!!!!!! The bastard didn't even ask me if it was okay to do any of this.

I cried all the way to the hair parade and all the way home. My Mum could hear me crying when I came through the door and comforted me. I cried at school the next day when everyone stared at me. I was so ugly. I am tormented by this memory.

I am on your side. See you at tap where a big hug will be waiting for you if you need it.

Miss T

Anonymous said...

Now dear ... What's wrong with short hair? I know it takes a little getting used to (expecially in these FREEZING days) but I think your hair will just have to fit in with your personality (not the other way around). My advice? Don't go back to the hairdresser until at least summer (because he'll only cut it even shorter than it is now - trust me). And smile!! Make it all look intentional!

phishez_rule said...

There is no length or style of hair that you can't tweak to suit you. And I'm literal about that. I shaved my head.


Jules said...

Have you tried washing it and restyling it the way you normally would?

I always leave the hairdressers thinking WTF but when I have a shower wash all the pathetic product out and just let it dry naturally it can look great. It's not so much the cut but the way the eggs style it.

Owen said...

I feel your pain, and your description nearly brought me to tears. Although I have never been blessed with a full head of hair, I do understand the importance of a good hairdresser and how hard it is to find one. My wife still drives over the other side of town to see hers and my sister in law still drives to Bendigo for hers and I think my grandmother still travels for her blue/purple rinse once a month.

londongirl said...

I do really sympathise. I have cried many times due to horrid hairdressers. But tis a renewable resource (as wisely noted above). And once you've styled it more your way, I'm sure it'll feel more you.

And scarves and hairbands are very in this year - I'm sure you'll be able to work miracles.

Anonymous said...

Oh my God! I have only just seen your blog for the first time (followed it here from RYWHM) and we have THE SAME HAIRDRESSER ... AND he cut too much off my hair last Thursday!

At least, I assume it's the same hairdresser - there can't be too many straight 38 year old californian males cutting hair out there. I don't want to slander him, but is the salon L----- B-----? and is his first initial T?