Tuesday, April 01, 2008


I mentioned a while ago that I joined a dating agency in an attempt to meet eligible men. That proved oh-so-successful that I even joined a second one a month or so ago. The first agency was expensive and fancy looking, but despite all their promises, delivered me a whole pile of nothing. On joining the sales pitch included a "virtual guarantee" of meeting someone within six months, or they would give you another two months free.

Well, those six months came and went. And so did the two additional months. And yet, still I am single, having met a number of very dubious men. So the other day, the agency sent out their client feedback form. I have proven in the past that I am not particularly adept at insulting people in written form. But this time, I tried really hard. I provided feedback in all the categories that they asked for, and closed with the following statement,
I wish that I had not joined - spending money on a misguided process that has left me feeling quite dejected.

Of course, I haven't heard a thing from them since I sent the form back. I wonder if I would have got more of a response if I had not written so eloquently, and just wrote, "Fuck off you fucking fuckers!".


Anonymous said...

We've told you before Miss C, don't write your own insulting letters, outsource it to others! although "Fuck off you fucking fuckers!" was a good start.

Katja said...

Hear hear. Although it probably wouldn't get you taken very seriously...

Maybe some "a hideously expensive process backed by staff who obviously have no desire to actually assist the individual ... rest assured I won't be singing your organisation's praises to anyone I know ... will go out of my way to tell everyone I can of my own disastrous experiences."

Then follow *that* up with "Fuck off, you fucking fuckers!"

Ah, pure poetry :)

Perseus said...

Yes, we said before: Start with 'Dear Cunts...' and take it from there.

Just go to your local pub. The results can't be worse... Surely.

By the way; C- for Pillars Of Earth? But you hated it! You're too nice for your own good. You shoulda given it an E, at least.

Jules said...

Fuck off you fucking fuckers??

That has such a nice repetitive f f f fff fff to it.

Eat My Arse You Ripoff Cunts also has a nice tone about it.

Anonymous said...

How about:

Your agency is a such a fake
All my money you love to take
No money back guarantee
But extended time without a fee

You set me up with dodgy types
But I can see through all your hype
You fucking cunts have made me mad
I quit you pricks so I'm not sad

No more money will I waste
Shove that in your fucked up face
Fuck off with your schemes and plans
I can find my own great man

Sarah said...

It's not just you... when I've done dating sites, I just ended up with a whole lot of mediocrity. Boo.

Anonymous said...

I have no doubt an erudite woman such as yourself made yourself abundantly clear to the so called "dating/con agency" and they have no recourse to you, hence their silence!
I await your next entry with unabashed bated breath

Anonymous said...

Hey Miss C, that was my poem above. Forgot to sign off.
Miss T x

Anonymous said...

Great poem Miss T. Miss C I suggest you send a second letter using the poem, with the covering letter starting with, as suggested above, "Dear Cunts, see attached!"

Banttha Fodder said...

Perhaps skip the dating agencies, use this form: http://bureauofcommunication.com/compose/romanticintent

to communicate with eligible lovelies. Yes yes, I know the trick is finding the lovelies to communicate with. I can't help you with that.

The Book Grocer said...

I was going to suggest you spend more time in bookstores to meet that special someone, but from the looks of it you're doing plenty of that.

Cath said...

Indeed TBG - and I think you might find that your Brunswick establishment has proved to be one of my haunts as well.....

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